Good Day – I won’t speculate, because I know I’m late… I’m two days late because I’m ahead of everyone. But I figure, I will be two weeks late if I wait until next Wednesday. And won’t next Wednesday suffer because I didn’t have a anything in the middle to even the motherfucker out? I mean honestly, I should just change this to “whinings of whatever day I choose not to be an asshole” and call it a day.
I left my magical book at my grandmas house. I hope it heals her soul. I hope she’s sniffing the playa dust off it as we speak.
Update: I got it back, and its currently having tea on my fire escape in NY (living the life).
12 Reasons Plastic is not Rope
- Rope condoms, not yet a thing.
- Recycling rope just means using it for something else
- There is sometimes plastic in rope
- Two different words
- Pope or Rastic
- They didn’t have plastic in the wild west
- They don’t use rope to wrap tuna sandwiches
- Sometimes I like to feel things
- If I was climbing off a mountain, I would probably put the bottle cap back on
- Twelve was too many things
- I am a pony
- RopePlastic Orgasmic Fantastic Gel
I am surrounded by dicks… but only metaphorically, so it’s kind of a bummer.
How To Stay Hydrated in the Desert
- Be nice
- Swallow water
- Coconuts (the magical kind)
Since this weeks Whinings are coming at you from Friday, I want to make this moment about why we really love Friday’s to begin with. FRIDAY THOUGHTS <— click that. It’ll be sure to make your heart sing.
Also I’d like to mention that I don’t want a wedding. I don’t want a wedding I don’t want a ring and I don’t want anything conventional that has to do with unionizing a pair of people into a future of dictated love and parthership. NO SIR. What I want is to throw a party, like a big party, titled:
“Come celebrate the love of Hila and (Insert future love of life here), it is in this moment in time that we’ve decided we want to spend forever with each other and be sad when the other dies inevitably, all this is subject to change, and we might break up which is why we aren’t signing anything… but enjoy the babka!”
It’s a little long, but so is my future husbands penis (or future wifes strap on penis)… and I’m not complaining. Then the guests will all wear their choice of 1. A wedding dress (not gender specific, men you can wear this too) or 2. A tuxedo (note about the gender applies here too). My future love pillow and I will be wearing matching leopard swimsuits. It’s gonna be baller.
THIS WEEKS TINDER BURN is brought to you by BURNING MAN.
Tinder Burner #1 – Cozy Bear
What makes you so cozy? what makes you a bear? I think you’re a human… but I’ve always wanted to sleep with a bear so I’m glad you identify this way. Can we please frolic around the playa and climb spinning things? You look like a guy who likes to sit down while tripping shrooms. Your beard is dusty, but thats cool because my vagina is too. Everything is dusty. Lets get into some shenanigans you sexy mother fucker.
WELL THATS IT — The Wednesday (on friday) Whinings. I promise I’ll work on my time management. Oh… and Happy Jew year. We got that Newness with the Jewness.
Until next time or until the herring goes bad.